Resilience Over Toxic Positivity: The Hidden Key to Thriving in Irish Dance

By Amelia Walker

Have you ever felt the pressure to keep smiling, even when everything inside you is screaming for a moment to just breathe?

In the world of competitive Irish dance, where every performance is scrutinized and every misstep feels magnified, it's easy to fall into the trap of toxic positivity. We're often told to "just stay positive" or "don't dwell on the negatives," but what happens when those "negatives" are part of our reality?

Let's face it: the dance floor can feel like a battleground. From the relentless pursuit of perfection to the stress of competitions, the emotional toll can be immense. But here's the catch—while resilience is the armor that helps us face these challenges head-on, toxic positivity can act as a barrier, pushing us to ignore the very emotions that can lead to growth and authenticity.

In this post, we're diving deep into the emotional landscape of dance to explore how to cultivate true resilience. We'll unpack the dangers of toxic positivity that often lurks beneath the surface and share actionable steps to help you embrace your full range of emotions. This isn't just about surviving the highs and lows; it's about thriving amidst them and transforming your relationship with yourself in the process.

The Importance of Resilience in Dance

Understanding Resilience

It's easy to think of resilience as just a toughing-it-out mentality—gritting your teeth and enduring the hardships. But I want you to picture resilience as a dynamic journey, not just a destination. It's like the art of choreography: each misstep or fall isn't merely an obstacle; it's an integral part of your dance that shapes your growth, your artistry, and your performance.

When you think about your favorite dancers, what do you see? Poise, precision, and an undeniable spark. But behind that captivating presence often lies a tapestry woven with thread of struggle and determination. They approach it like a puzzle, breaking down each piece to see what went wrong, learning from every moment on and off the stage. This transformation from challenge to opportunity is what we need to recognize as true resilience.

The Resilience Cycle: Navigating Life's Challenges

Resilience is not merely an innate trait; it's a dynamic process that involves navigating through various stages when confronted with adversity. The resilience cycle consists of 6 interconnected stages that empower individuals to face challenges effectively and emerge stronger.

Let's delve into each stage:

1. Challenge: The journey begins with recognizing a challenge—a situation that disrupts the status quo and tests your emotional and mental limits. This could range from personal setbacks, career obstacles, or significant life transitions. Acknowledging the presence of a challenge is essential; it lays the groundwork for the resilience process, as awareness is the first step towards action.

2. Response: How we respond to challenges profoundly impacts our resilience. This stage involves assessing our initial reactions—do we confront the challenge with determination, retreat in fear, or succumb to overwhelm? Our responses shape our experience and influence our ability to navigate difficulties. Developing healthy coping mechanisms and emotional responses during this phase is crucial for fostering resilience.

3. Reflect: After addressing a challenge, it's imperative to engage in reflection. This stage allows us to take a step back and evaluate our actions and emotional responses during the experience. What strategies proved effective? What patterns can we identify? Reflection facilitates a deeper understanding of our behavior and thought processes, paving the way for personal growth.

4. Learning: Building upon reflection, the learning stage is where true growth occurs. Here, we extract valuable lessons from our experiences, gaining insights into our strengths and areas for improvement. This stage emphasizes the importance of transforming challenges into opportunities for development. The knowledge gained during this phase equips us with the tools needed to tackle future obstacles more effectively.

5. Adapt: Following the learning stage, it's essential to adapt. This phase involved applying the insights gleaned from past experiences to enhance our approach to future challenges. Adapting may require a shift in mindset, the development of new strategies, or the exploration of additional resources. This proactive approach not only strengthens resilience but also prepares us for the inevitable challenges that lie ahead.

6. Goal Setting: The final stage of the resilience cycle is goal setting. Armed with new knowledge and adaptive strategies, we can establish actionable goals for personal growth. These goals should be specific, measure and attainable, serving as a roadmap for our resilience journey. Goal setting reinforces our commitment to continuous improvement and provides motivation as we navigate future challenges.

The resilience cycle is not a linear progression but a continuous loop of growth and adaption. Engaging in each stage fosters a deeper understanding of ourselves and enhances our capacity to bounce back from adversity.

Psychological Benefits

Studies in sports psychology reveal a compelling truth: resilience is a game changer for mental health and performance. But here's the twist: it's not just about surviving the competition or bouncing back from a loss. It's about thriving experience less anxiety, greater focus, and enhanced emotional regulation. This means they can harness their energy in ways that elevate their performances rather than letting fear or self-doubt creep in.

Imagine resilience as your secret weapon, a psychological toolkit that empowers you to face every challenge with creativity and determination. When you embrace resilience, you begin to see every setback not as a failure but as a necessary part of your evolution. This mindset transforms the narrative of your dance journey, allowing you to embrace the highs and lows with grace.

And here's the kicker: when you cultivate resilience, you unlock a growth mindset—a key that opens doors to new opportunities. You stop seeing obstacles as barriers and start viewing them as gateways. This perspective fuels your ambition and ignites a passion that goes beyond mere competition. It becomes about the joy of learning, the excitement of trying new things and the thrill of exploring your potential.

Resilience isn't just about enduring—it's about growing, transforming, and emerging as a stronger, more expressive dancer.

The Dangers of Toxic Positivity

What is Toxic Positivity?

You've probably heard the well-meaning advice to "just stay positive," but let's dig deeper. What happens when we push ourselves—or others—to wear a mask of happiness, pretending everything is fine when it's not? Toxic positivity creeps in when we start believing that we must only express joy and suppress any hint of sadness or frustration.

Think about those moments when you've experienced a setback. Maybe it was a disappointing performance or a tough practice. Instead of allowing yourself to feel those feelings, you hear echoes of "Don't dwell on the negatives!" or "You'll bounce back!" The intention behind these phrases is often good, but the impact can be devastating.

When we insist on maintaining a facade of positivity, we can inadvertently shut down our true emotions. We might feel isolated, as if we're the only ones experiencing these struggles. Let me ask you: how often do you feel pressured to "put on a brave face," even when inside you're screaming for help? It's exhausting, isn't it?

Emotional Suppression

When you deny your feelings, thinking, "I shouldn't feel this way," you're not just glossing over discomfort; you're pushing away a part of yourself that needs attention. Imagine going through the motions of dance, while inside, you're wresting with feelings of anxiety, burnout, or self-doubt.

I've spoken to many dancers who have shared their experiences of feeling compelled to project unwavering positivity, only to feel like they're drowning inside saying "I felt like I had to smile all the time, but it was exhausting. I was drowning in pressure and no one even knew." This is the reality of toxic positivity: it creates a silent suffering where vulnerability is viewed as weakness.

But guess what? It's perfectly okay to not have it all figured out. You are learning, and embracing your authentic emotions—whether they are joyful, sad, or angry—can be a liberating act. When you allow yourself to feel deeply, you create the space for growth, healing, and genuine connection.

The Cycle of Comparison

It's all to easy to scroll through social media and see your peers posting flawless performances, glowing with confidence and joy. In that moment, you might catch yourself thinking, "Why can't I feel this way?" or "I must be falling behind."

But every single dancer is different! No two journeys are alike, even if your goals might seem similar. You can't compare your path to someone else's because it's simply impossible. Each dancer has unique strengths, experiences, and challenges that shape their individual journeys.

This is where the trap tightens. The pressure to appear happy and successful can fuel unhealthy comparisons that chip away at your self-esteem. Instead of celebrating your unique journey, you start to measure your worth against someone else's highlight reel. It's a dangerous game, one that can leave you feeling isolated and inadequate.

But let's shift that perspective for a second. What if you leaned into your struggled and shared your authentic self with your dance community? When you talk about your challenges, you create opportunities for connection and support. Vulnerability is powerful. It opens the door to real conversations that can help you and others feel less alone.

Last week, I explored the profound effects social media can have on our mental health and overall resilience. In a world where we often compare ourselves to curated online personas, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by challenges. However, understanding the resilience cycle can help us navigate these pressures. By recognizing our responses to social media interactions and reflecting on what we learn from them, we can adapt our approach to both our online presence and personal growth. This connection emphasizes that resilience is not just about bouncing back from setbacks, but also how we engage with the digital landscape that surrounds us. If you'd like to dive deeper into this topic, click here to read the post.

Breaking the Cycle

So, how do you break free from the chains of toxic positivity? Start by embracing authenticity. Allow yourself to feel all emotions—the good, the bad, and everything in between. It's okay to express disappointment, frustration, or even fear. Instead of pushing those feelings down, acknowledge them as part of your unique journey as a dancer.

Let's redefine what it means to be positive. Rather than forcing a smile, let's cultivate an environment where vulnerability is celebrated. It's not about pretending everything is okay; it's acknowledging the complexity of your experience and finding strength in your struggles.

Remember, you are not alone in this. We all have our ups and downs, and sharing those moments can be incredibly empowering. When you allow yourself to be real, you not only foster your own resilience but also inspire those around you to do the same. Every dancer's journey is unique—embrace yours and allow it to unfold in its own beautiful way.

Finding a Balance: Cultivating True Resilience

Acknowledging Emotions

Let's start by setting the record straight: all emotions are valid, whether they're the high-flying exhilaration after nailing a tough move or the heavy disappointment when things don't go as planned. We've been taught to celebrate the highs, but how often do we allow ourselves to acknowledge the lows? The truth is, it's in those difficult emotions—sadness, frustration, even anger—that we find our deepest capacity for growth. Ignoring them doesn't make them go away; it just buries them deeper, where they can grow into something far more difficult to manage.

Think of it like this: emotions are messengers. When you feel a sting of frustration after a long practice, that feeling is telling you something important—it's a signpost pointing to what you care about and where you might need to direct your attention. If you don't acknowledge it, you're essentially missing out on crucial information about yourself. Instead of pushing away uncomfortable emotions, what if you approached them with curiosity? What is this emotion trying to teach you about your journey?

Practical Strategies for Resilience

So, how do we build resilience in a way that's not about "powering through," but truly cultivating strength from within? Here are some strategies to get you started:

1. Self-Reflection: A tool often overlooked in the dance world, where action is prioritized over introspection. Take the time to sit with your thoughts and ask yourself some honest questions: What am I feeling right now? Why does this situation trigger such a strong reaction? Journaling is a fantastic way to start. Write down your thoughts without editing or censoring yourself. This process helps you recognize patterns in your emotions, which is the first step to understanding them. When you can name what you're feeling and why, you can take the power back. You're no longer at the mercy of your emotions—they become something you can work with.

2. Mindfulness Practices: Being present sounds simple, but it's an incredibly powerful skill that can help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster of dance. Mindfulness isn't about shutting down negative thoughts; it's about noticing them without judgement. For instance, when you catch yourself feeling overwhelmed or discouraged, pause for a moment. Focus on your breath. Ground yourself by observing the sensations in your body. This isn't about trying to "fix" your emotions; it's about accepting them as they are. When you do that, you allow yourself to feel without being consumed by those feelings. Practicing mindfulness creates a space between you and your emotional responses, giving you more control over how you react.

3. Support Systems: Don't underestimate the power of having a support system that gets it. Whether it's a coach, a dance buddy, or even a mentor outside the dance world, surround yourself with people who can offer a listening ear and speak honestly. Make it a point to engage in open conversations where you can share struggles without fear of judgement. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else understands what you're going through can be a game-changer. And remember, seeking support doesn't mean you're weak—it means you're wise enough to know that resilience is built through connection, not isolation.

4. Growth Mindset: Last, but definitely not least, embrace a growth mindset. It's easy to view setbacks as failures, especially in a competitive environment like Irish dance. But what if, instead of seeing a poor performance as a roadblock, you saw it as an opportunity to learn? Ask yourself: What can this experience teach me about where I need to grow? Shifting your mindset from "I'm not good enough" to "I'm still learning" changes the game. You begin to see challenges not as things to be feared or avoided, but as necessary parts of the journey toward mastery. It's about understanding that resilience isn't about being unbreakable; it's about being flexible, willing to bend and adapt in the face of adversity.

The Art of Balance

Here's the reality: resilience is a balancing act. It's not about choosing positivity over pain, nor is it about letting your struggles define you. It's about holding space for both. It's about knowing that your journey will have ups and downs and that both are equally important in shaping the dancer—and the person—you're becoming.

When you can honor your emotions, engage in self-reflection, practice mindfulness, lean on your support system, and approach every challenge with a growth mindset, you cultivate a resilience that isn't just about surviving; it's about thriving. This is the kind of strength that empowers you not just to reach your goals, but to redefine them—to keep growing beyond what you ever thought was possible. Remember, every dancer's journey is different. Your resilience will look different from someone else's, and that's not just okay—it's necessary. Your unique path is what makes your strength truly yours. Embrace it.

Moving Beyond Toxic Positivity

We need to face a hard truth: our obsession with positivity has created a suffocating culture in dance, one where any sign of struggle is swept under the rug, where “Just stay positive!” has become a blanket response to real pain. We’re told to smile through our hardships, to bury our frustration, to push our sadness aside because it’s inconvenient. But this mindset doesn’t build resilient dancers; it creates performers who are trained to hide parts of themselves. It’s time we look at this problem for what it is and move beyond the illusion of positivity.

Shifting the Narrative

It’s not enough to simply “reframe” our struggles or spin them into something positive. Real growth doesn’t come from slapping a happy face on top of a difficult situation and hoping it will dissolve. It comes from facing the dark, messy, uncomfortable truths head-on. We need a new narrative, one that invites discomfort to the table, that allows the full spectrum of human emotions to be seen, heard, and felt.

When we tell dancers, “It’s okay to feel this way,” it’s not just an acknowledgment of their pain; it’s an act of defiance against a culture that prioritizes appearances over authenticity. It’s saying, “Your emotions don’t need to be tidied up for anyone’s comfort.” It’s giving dancers permission to sit with their feelings—not in the hopes of making them go away, but to understand what they have to teach. True resilience isn’t built by ignoring what hurts; it’s built by finding meaning in the midst of that hurt.

Embracing Vulnerability

We need to stop treating vulnerability as something that needs to be “fixed.” When dancers expose their struggles, it doesn’t diminish their strength; it reveals the depth of their courage. Vulnerability is not a sign that you’re weak; it’s a sign that you’re human, that you’re doing something real and raw and meaningful. Imagine a dancer who breaks down after a disappointing performance—not because they’ve failed, but because they cared enough to give their absolute best. The tears are not evidence of defeat; they’re a testament to the depth of their passion.

What if we allowed those moments to exist without rushing to console or “fix” them? What if we sat in the silence and let the weight of those emotions settle in? That’s where the real work happens—where resilience is born. It’s in the willingness to be vulnerable that dancers discover the kind of strength that no amount of forced positivity could ever give them. Vulnerability builds connection, not just with others, but with themselves. It’s an invitation to understand who they are beneath the performance.

Creating an Inclusive Dance Culture

Imagine if dance studios were places where you didn’t have to leave your emotions at the door. What if, instead of brushing off frustration as a sign of weakness, we treated it as an essential part of growth? It’s time to disrupt the “good vibes only” mentality and create spaces where every emotion is welcome. Because here’s the reality: dancers are not machines, and treating them as such robs them of their humanity.

An inclusive culture is not one where everyone feels positive all the time. It’s one where every dancer’s experience is honored, where anger, sadness, and anxiety are allowed to exist alongside joy and pride. This doesn’t mean indulging in negativity; it means giving emotions the space to breathe. When we allow all feelings to be present, we give dancers the tools to work with them instead of against them. We teach them that growth doesn’t happen in spite of their struggles; it happens because of them.

This cultural shift isn’t just about talking differently; it’s about listening differently. It’s about hearing the unspoken struggles behind a dancer’s smile or recognizing the courage it takes to say, “I’m not okay.” It’s about creating an environment where no dancer feels like they have to shrink themselves to fit into the mold of what’s “acceptable.” When studios, coaches, and dancers all commit to fostering this culture, we don’t just build better dancers; we build better people.

Moving Forward

Here’s a radical thought: every dancer’s journey is wildly different. Even when two dancers share the same goal, their paths will never look the same, and they shouldn’t. Each dancer’s setbacks, breakthroughs, and emotional landscapes are unique, and comparing one to another is like comparing fire to water. It’s not just unfair—it’s impossible.

So let’s stop pretending there’s one “right” way to handle adversity. Let’s acknowledge that emotions are not obstacles to overcome but signposts pointing us toward deeper understanding. Growth doesn’t come from erasing the parts of ourselves we find inconvenient; it comes from integrating every experience—good, bad, and ugly—into a fuller picture of who we are. True resilience isn’t about always being okay; it’s about learning how to navigate the chaos and come out the other side with a deeper connection to oneself.

As dancers, as coaches, as a community, we need to embrace the messiness of growth. Because in the end, the point isn’t to avoid struggle, but to transform through it. We’re not here to perfect the art of appearing strong; we’re here to redefine what it means to be strong altogether. Let’s move beyond toxic positivity and step into a dance culture where being real is the ultimate form of resilience.

“Resilience isn’t just about getting through tough times; it’s about using those moments to redefine your limits. When you face challenges, you have the opportunity to learn something new about yourself. It’s in those struggles where real strength is forged—not in perfection, but in the messy process of growing, adapting, and discovering what you’re truly capable of.”

Embracing Authentic Resilience

Resilience isn’t just about staying strong or “toughing it out.” It’s about embracing every messy, imperfect, and raw emotion that comes our way. It’s more than a mindset—it’s a lived experience. True resilience acknowledges that growth is found not only in victories but in those moments when we feel like we’re unraveling. It’s about finding the courage to sit with discomfort, listen to what our emotions are telling us, and recognize that we don’t have to put on a brave face just to be considered strong.

In a world that often rewards a polished exterior, we forget that strength isn’t about always being “okay.” It’s about being real, being vulnerable, and allowing ourselves to feel every part of our journey. When we confuse resilience with toxic positivity, we end up denying ourselves the very experiences that shape us into stronger dancers—and stronger people. Resilience doesn’t mean dismissing our struggles with a forced smile; it means showing up for ourselves in the moments when we don’t have all the answers and trusting that every emotion serves a purpose in our growth.

The dance world is ready for something deeper—a shift away from empty reassurances toward creating a space where dancers are free to be exactly where they are. It’s time to let go of the pressure to constantly “look on the bright side” and instead learn to sit with the shadows, knowing that they are just as important. It’s not about resisting positivity but expanding our understanding of resilience to include all the experiences that make us human, not just the polished moments onstage.

Your voice matters here. Have you ever felt the pressure to bury your true feelings under a mask of positivity? What did that experience teach you, and how did it shape your understanding of resilience? Share your story in the comments, and let’s turn this conversation into a movement where every dancer feels seen and understood.

Commit today to being fully present in every part of your journey. It’s not about hiding what feels difficult; it’s about giving yourself permission to embrace it. When we allow ourselves and others to feel openly—without judgment or the need to “fix” everything—we build a community rooted in genuine strength.

The dance world doesn’t need more empty slogans. It needs spaces where real growth happens, where every struggle is acknowledged as part of the process, and where resilience is about being unflinchingly real. Let’s change the narrative and create a culture that values authenticity over appearances, where every dancer’s story is honored and celebrated, and where strength is defined by our willingness to embrace the full range of our humanity. Together, let’s make this shift—starting now.

I help dancers, like you, develop the tools to enhance confidence by nurturing a mindset where every part of the journey is valued—not just the victories. Whether it’s finding balance between pushing yourself and honoring your limits or learning to grow from setbacks, my coaching goes beyond the standard advice and addresses the deeper mindset shifts that truly make a difference.

If you’re ready to stop hiding behind the “always stay positive” mentality and start embracing a way of thinking that actually works in real life, I’d love to work with you. Let’s create a plan tailored to your unique path, so you can reach your goals with a sense of purpose and a truly resilient mindset.

You deserve to show up as your full self, both in the studio and on stage.